Week 4 Results

Monday, February 4, 2013 11:30:59 PM EST

We have a new leader. All hail Joy Ad Ogler, who has already dropped 15 lb, the equivalent of losing a bowling bowl. He is apparently using the latest fad diet of Eating Less and Exercising More. Dang Bro Zen Rho, whose full name is actually a haiku in anagram form, has fallen to second place. Mega Urge Maniac is third and contemplating algorithm changes to vault him to the top.

The biggest climbers are Minus Slim Avatar (+12 places), Knock Nerd Bye (+10), and No Crook (+10). The biggest droppers are Tidal Dwarves (-12 places), Covets Tents (-10), and I Hum Barroom Vice (-9).

The lightest BFLG is Meal Urge Maniac at 141.6 lb, and the heaviest is Mad Urea Owner at 260.4 lb. The one closest to the average is Starchiest Hen Pork at 206.2 lb.

Finally, down at the bottom of the pile are Rink Arm Fell, Fat Bun Fair I, and Torn Men Rev Clan. That fact that two of these BFLGers are Canadian is probably not relevant. Coincidentally, the NHL is playing hockey again, and the stolen maple syrup from the Canadian Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve was recovered last fall, news that brought general happiness to all of Canada.

Generic Health Article Title in the Form of a Question?

Astonishing opening statement which may or may not have merit, designed to entice the reader. Second sentence provides actual summary of article, which is more mundane. The titular question is answered: NO. The source of the article, usually a university or medical journal study, is cited. To simplify the study, an analogy involving staple foods or basic physics is given. Finally, a list of something that’s supposed to be horribly important is provided:

  1. First item is the most important and relevant one.
  2. Second item is obvious.
  3. Really? The third item made the list?
  4. Fourth item is blatant filler material.
  5. Fifth item is something that the reader may not have thought of.

Closing paragraph. Obligatory statement about seeing your doctor before eating, moving, and possibly breathing. Lawyers sigh in relief. What is unsaid is any relationship author or publication had with any product or organization mentioned in this article.

Motivational closing sentence!